What You NEED To Know Before You Move In With A Significant Other
We’ve all been there before. Things are going so well in the relationship. You can’t stand to be away from each other for even a few hours. You feel like you already know everything about each other. You’re confident that you’re ready to take that step forward: wanting to move in together. It can be exciting! It’s a surefire way to know you’re moving forward and growing up! And they make it look so easy on the TV shows!
Travis and I have been living together for almost two years, but we had been talking about it as soon as after only four or five months together. Of course, if you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll remember that Travis had to move to Florida/Savannah for eight months so our plans were postponed. We each lived with family and we knew we wanted our own place. I moved out of my mom’s house in October 2018 and into a beautiful townhouse with a roommate, and three months later, just shy of his dad’s death, Travis moved in with me. We didn’t really have the “okay let’s move in” talk, it was more like “well you’re over here all the time anyway, you may as well just bring your stuff and leave it here.” Romantic, eh? Well, it worked for us!
So with almost two years’ experience under our belts, Travis and I decided to work on this blog post together so we can both prepare you for what’s to come, and the conversations you need to have NOW if you want this to work out.
Figure out WHY you want to move in together
This seems stupid, but it’s actually really important to understand. There’s a difference between wanting to live together because you see a legitimate future with this person and wanting to save a few bucks on rent and bills. And that difference can make or break your relationship.
Lay out chore expectations
This suggestion actually comes from my friend, Becca. She and her now husband moved in together after a little while and she says this is super important. It’s nice to divide up the chores and have it on a piece of paper on the fridge or the wall so that the tasks are divided up down the middle. Travis and I agree. We take turns doing dishes, I take care of laundry for the most part, and we switch off the sweeping and mopping. That way, there’s no resentment with one person doing all the housework.
The good, the bad, and the nasty
I’m just gonna be frank here. Fellas, ladies fart and poop. Yes, it’s true. If you’re not ready to embrace that, you’re not ready to live together. Straight up FACTS. But in all seriousness, you guys will be all up in each other’s business. So if you haven’t learned any weird quirks yet, you will once you move in together, whether you like it or not. Ladies, if you’re still self-conscious, invest in some Poo-Pourri.
Learn to diffuse conflicts
One of the nice things about not living together is when things get intense, you each normally have a place to go to cool off and come back level-headed. When you live together, unless you storm out of the house, you have nowhere to go. When Travis and I get into heated discussions or arguments, we tell each other we need to step away to cool down. He’ll usually go into the living room to play some video games and I’ll go on a walk or take a nap. Remember that advice every bride gets before the wedding? “Don’t go to bed mad?” Well buddy, when a fight erupts after 9:30, I take my ass to bed so I can calm down and be a little cooler when we make up the next morning. Sometimes going to bed mad is necessary.
Hide the good snacks
I once bought two boxes of Little Debbie’s Cosmic Brownies because they were on sale. I came home from work THE NEXT DAY and there were only two packs of brownies left. Do with this information what you will.
Learn to let things go
If you have some obsessive tendencies or like things a certain way, you may have to find a middle ground or let them go entirely when you move in together. Sometimes you’re going to come home after a long day and happily see that he took it upon himself to fold all three loads of laundry you did the day before… but they’re not folded the way you do it. Let it go. Some battles are just not worth picking.
Overall, there are many many pros to living with the person you love, and there are some cons as well. But if you work hard and love each other, the pros will always outweigh the cons!